this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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