My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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