im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
