I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
