I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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