pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
