it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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