I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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