All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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