someone threw a dead crab at me
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
