At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
