Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
