4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
