So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
