You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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