have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
