Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
