You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
