So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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