she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
