It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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