That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
