I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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