He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
