the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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