I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
