It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
