Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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