Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
