Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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