omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
i need some magic done to my vagina
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
