Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
