he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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