Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
