If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
