dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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