remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
