Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
