you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
