we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
how drunk are you?
Several
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
