We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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