I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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