never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
