i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Blood and glitter go together right?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
