hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Randomize
