We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
