captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
