Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
