he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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