I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
