You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
