My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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