At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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