if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
