I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
