You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
